I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
