I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
