i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pants are for mortals
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