Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
