1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
