You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
