Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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