I feel great
I just peed on a car
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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