She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need water and some morals
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
