You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
