I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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