Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
