Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
