I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
