tell your sister to shave her snatch
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
