ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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