part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
