Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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