I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
