A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
