I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Randomize
