If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
