Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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