she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
