i just made my gag reflex go away.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
