FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
