i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
