Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
