is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
