even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
