dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
