So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
whose parrot is this?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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