I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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