The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
