If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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