i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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