Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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