Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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