please come you make the beer taste better
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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