sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
