then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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