I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
