so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
