I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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