that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
