He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
