i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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