so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
