SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
