Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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