So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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