I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come on in and take your pants off
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