ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
