Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
