My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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